i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
