I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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