I just made out with a guy for $7.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
