i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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