Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
