Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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