also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
