Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I sprained my soul last night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We need to get me chipped asap
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
