D3 body, D1 cock
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
