im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
