she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
