Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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