After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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