Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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