I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize