Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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