just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
