apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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