I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
