Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize