I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
