That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize