yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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