Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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