help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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