the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My feet surprised me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
