she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize