In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Congratulations! We have a period
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize