last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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