whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize