I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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