She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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