Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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