I accidentally burped into my bong.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize