Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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