I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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