dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
