He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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