So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
