the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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