google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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