just come out here and I will go home with you...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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