I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
