That's intense
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
