I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
