Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
