i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
