I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
