Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
