i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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