She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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