can u get pink eye on your cock?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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