I heard we made out
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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