I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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