he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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