i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
