you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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