yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
