Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize