imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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