Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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