Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
