let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
