she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
