he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize