before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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