No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
