I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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