i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your cock deserves a montage
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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