I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
please don't ironically join a cult
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