she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Someone shattered a urinal.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize