All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
