I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just pee around me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
