we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
