i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
His nipple licking is glorious
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
