Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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