girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
