I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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